Family Travel Tips from a Psychologist and Mom

Travel Tips from a Psychologist and Mom…

After almost twenty years of traveling with kids and living internationally we have learned a lot (often the hard way) of travel tips and tricks that help make the process run smoother and ultimately more enjoyable…for both parents and kiddos! 

Most of these lessons have come through both being a mama traveling across the globe with three kiddos, as well as being a psychologist and understanding what helps soothe a child while they are not in their familiar environment and routine. 

The truth is younger kids can be a bit trickier to travel with for reasons we will discuss. I personally know, after enduring ten-hour plane rides with a wiggly toddler and an infant in my arms, how challenging it can be! But take heart parents…it gets easier and there are some meaningful things you can do to make it better for everyone.

Traveling with children can be deeply rewarding, but the reality is it takes you (and them) out of your comfort zone and routine. And it is important to understand that predictability and dependable habits are vital for growing kiddos! 

Babies and children are unable to regulate their nervous system, which is where consistent and stable parenting comes in by helping them adjust until they are able to do it themselves.  Things like adequate sleep, consistent nutrition and avoiding overstimulation can really help children feel calm and balanced.  The challenging part is many regular habits and patterns we may have with kids are compromised during travel.

There a several things we can do (and it is our job as parents!) to mitigate imbalance in our children when they are unable to do it themselves. When a toddler or baby is having a meltdown they are trying to tell us something and ask for help. Chances are they just need sleep, food, love or less stimulation.

Additionally, younger children have challenges traveling long distances in confined spaces as it is difficult (and unnatural) for them to sit still for such extended periods of time. Kids also feel out of the loop and dragged around on many family excursions which can lead to unruly behavior. Understanding all these factors and knowing your role in helping to reduce a child’s irritability and frustration can go a long way. 

Here are some of the ways you can have a more harmonious and enjoyable trip with kiddos.

Involve Them in the Process and Allow for Independence…

Involving kids in the process of planning a trip and deciding where to go and what to do is a great idea!  Not only do they have valuable insights and ideas, but it will make the process much more fun when they pick a few places they want go and activities they want to do.  This also helps them feel like they have a sense of agency during the journey, as opposed to being dragged around during an exhausting travel itinerary.

Cultivating independence is another very important characteristic to help develop in children, and travel is a fantastic opportunity to encourage this! Learning how to prepare and plan for a trip requires life skills that they will benefit from for a lifetime. It also gives them capabilities and an education that will transcend travel and that they can use for many other life experiences.

Little Kids…

When planning a trip show younger children pictures of where you are going and read with them about the location. The more they know about an area, the richer and more interesting it becomes.  When you are deciding between activities and what to do, let kids pick between some of the various options. This way when you are touring on long days they will be excited when you go to the places that they helped pick out!

Also take some time during the day to allow for everyone to have some quiet time.   Traveling as a family means there is a lot of togetherness. This constant connection and interaction can be overwhelming for kids and parents alike. Our family usually makes a point of having alone time following a busy day of adventure together and before reconvening for dinner This allows everybody to recalibrate and recharge.

Big Kids…

Bigger kids and teenagers are amazing at helping plan trips and explore new cities.  They are skilled at researching and using different methods and platforms to find places and activities that we as adults may not be aware of.  I always ask my teenagers to pick a few restaurants, call for reservations, pick out activities or reserve tickets for our upcoming events.  Not only is this helpful, but we end up at really exciting and unique places.

Allowing and encouraging older kids to explore on their own is important and formative.  My teenagers love to navigate a new city without us! They may go for a meal, take several walks, sit in a park and people watch, or go site see a location that intrigues them. Of course, considering the safety specifics of the location is critical and teaching situational awareness and safety skills is imperative.

Packing and Suitcases…

Including kids in both packing and carrying their own suitcases not only helps kids develop important and useful life skills, but they end up having fun in the process.  We started to work with our kids on learning to pack for themselves at three years old and they loved it. 

As soon as they could walk, they would pull their own tiny suitcases through the airport. Some of my fondest memories are recalling my toddlers walk through the airport with their fuzzy monster roller suitcases and navigate airport security like professionals!

Little Kids…

With younger kids start by writing a list together of everything they need to bring for a trip.  Make sure to include clothes and toiletries, along with any items for their carry-on such as toys, books, or art supplies. After creating the list allow them to gather and layout everything on the list themselves. Then come back in and edit or change things out as needed.  This process helps them understand how to organize and plan for the trip ahead while learning to consider weather, location and activities.

I encourage parents to have even their youngest kiddos bring a small roller suitcase or backpack on the journey full of their own books, snacks and belongings. That way when they get onto the plane or train they have their own activities at their disposal.

Big Kids…

If you start encouraging kids to pack early, they will be pros by the time they are a bit older.  I realize teens rely heavily on technology, but encouraging them to bring books and journals is important. I have yet to see older kids and teens not use these items, in addition to their tech devices if they have them available.

Also, if you have multiple kids, ask the older kids to help your younger kids with not only the process of packing, but getting on the plane and settling in to your seats.

Plane Rides…

Air travel can be challenging, even without kids!  As a family of five, we have had dozens of flights that have gone off without a hitch, but we have also endured cancelled flights, long and unexpected layovers and lost luggage.  There are many things out of your control while flying,and learning to tolerate these events without much stress can be a very valuable skill while traveling with kids.

My goal with air travel as a parent of three with extensive international travel experience is to keep it as simple as possible and make it through without any giant disasters!  This means allowing for some increased flexibly around screen time rules or even snacks you might not regularly have.   

Little Kids…

There are a lot of considerations and factors to pay attention to when flying with little kiddos or babies.  Staying hydrated, and fed, making sure their ear pressure is equalizing and helping occupy their wiggly little bodies are all important considerations. 

Make sure kids stay hydrated by bringing their sippy cup or water or baby bottle.  Encouraging small sips throughout the journey helps with dehydration and popping their ears.   

Helping them equalize their ear pressure while flying is important, and I have witnessed many parents not give this the proper attention which can lead to an uncomfortable and even painful experience for kiddos.  We underestimate how natural and instinctual it is to swallow to pop our ears as adults, but some kids don’t always know how to do this without guidance. Helping them understand what they can do is valuable and keeps them from getting uncomfortable during the flight.

If possible try not to let babies sleep during takeoff and landing. If they are sleeping, see if you can give them a pacifier, nurse or give a bottle without waking them up. This will keep them swallowing during those critical parts of the flight even while asleep. With toddlers and younger kids I always pack hard (sugar-free) candy or small lollipops for take off and landing. This not only helps distract them, but keeps them swallowing and comfortable.  

The challenge of keeping kids distracted and sitting still on long flights can be tricky!  Remember, requiring little ones to sit still for long stretches of time is not natural or easy, so having some tricks up your sleeve will help make it more comfortable for you and them.  I found that novelty is helpful when enduring long stretches!  Pack a new book, toy or game they have never seen until you are on the flight.  Or put a new movie or game on their iPad for them to watch.  I have found a little pad of paper and some new coloring pencils is one of the very best activities for all ages.  Don’t show them before you are on the plane which will allow for some fresh distraction and discovery!

Make sure to bring a lot of snacks!  I not only pack familiar and trusted snacks from home, but I will also grab some goodies in the gift shop before we board.  A little munching along the way helps regulate their energy.

Walking around the plane can be really helpful for busy little bodies as well.  I know for many parents it is not comfortable to move around the plane, but just a short stroll can really help kids move some energy around.  Plus many passengers are happy to see a curious toddler or baby cruising through the isles. Additionally, when all five of us are traveling, we usually play musical chairs (switching seats) at some point during a long flight, so the kids can change up their perspective which is helpful.

Lastly, big squishy earphones that cover kids entire ears are extremely helpful.  Small earbuds are hard for kittle kids to keep in and don’t cancel out sound the way larger earphones designed for kids can. These are a great and helpful addition to any flight.

Big Kids…

Bigger kids are so much better at flying!  If you have a really long flight I recommend older kids bring four categories of items… a good book, writing journal, tech and a travel game like chess or cards.  Also, don’t forget to enlist your big kids to help your little kids especially when you are getting off and on the plane or to play with the younger kiddos even for a portion of the flight.

Getting Enough Sleep…

This is one area where parents may have to show some discipline and more sensitivity while traveling.  Many families are so excited (understandably!) to pack in as much adventure and site seeing as possible, but little kids brains and nervous systems need consistent and sufficient sleep!  I see many parents become frustrated when a child is acting out or melting down during travel, and parents need to understand it is their responsibility to help soothe the child by interpreting what they need. Sleep is the single most meaningful way to regulate kids bodies. If they are getting sufficient sleep they not only feel much better, but function better too.

Of course during travel this is particularly challenging due to different time zones, unfamiliar beds, and lack of a consistent schedule, but here are a couple tricks to help.

Little Kids…

Getting kids to sleep soundly during travel can have it’s challenges. The trick is to replicate their sleep at home to the extent that you can while on the go. Smaller kids and babies really benefit from familiar cues for sleeping, especially in a foreign place.

Try to keep bedtime as close to the same time as you possibly can.  I know this sometimes means retiring to your hotel room early, but this will allow the following day to be more enjoyable. Also consider babysitters if you want to stay out later or go to more adult events or activities in the evening. Every major city and many hotels have vetted babysitters for their guests.

Sound machines are incredibly helpful and something our family has used for years, both at home and while we are traveling.  The sound not only signals that it is time to sleep, but it cancels out a lot of unfamiliar noise that often wake people up while traveling.

Favorite blankets or stuffies are also helpful for cueing sleep and provide comfort and familiarity. 

Naps are really important and help not only kids but many adults while traveling. If you don’t want to be stuck in your hotel or vacation rental, consider pushing the stroller through the town you are visiting, or put a kiddo in their car seat while they snooze and you do some site seeing.

Big Kids…

As kids get older they can tolerate later nights and more variability with their sleep.

Teens are growing and developing rapidly and their circadian rhythms naturally start to change. Teens start to stay up later and sleep in during this developmental phase, which can be frustrating for many parents who are eager to rise early and conquer the day while traveling. But consider separating during certain parts of the day when possible, by allowing teens to sleep while the rest of the family goes for a walk or breakfast.  It is beneficial to have some individual adventures and to appreciate every family member has different needs, despite traveling as a group. 

Food and Nutrition…

Proper nutrition and consistent food is extremely helpful and important while traveling with kids.  However, making sure kids are eating enough and regularly can be difficult because you are likely eating out a lot, encountering unfamiliar food and going long stretches without regular meals.  

Little Kids…

Eating while traveling can be an amazing way to experience the culture, but it also has its challenges, as many younger kids are not yet fans of experimenting with food. It’s great to expose them to new cuisine, but they might want some familiar things as well.

To combat this consider bringing or buying familiar snacks and make sure they are allowed to have them consistently to regulate their energy. A little energy source can go a long way in helping kids not get too hungry and cranky.

Big Kids…

With three growing kids we always have at least one hungry kiddo! We get a bit tired of eating out while we travel, so if we are staying in a vacation rental we go to the market and cook several meals.  If we are in a hotel I usually go to the market and buy crackers, cheese, nuts, fruit and cereal.  This allows for the kids to feed themselves snacks throughout the visit, and keeps us from always having to look for food on the go.

In Conclusion…

Traveling with children and seeing the world as a family is one of the more rewarding experiences.  However, travel can also be demanding for kids and parents alike.  I have heard many parents say they need a vacation from their vacation following a trip with kids! Appreciating the unique demands travel can put on kids and parents and planning accordingly will make it more enjoyable and rewarding for everyone. 

We have experienced so much trial and error while traveling the globe with kids, through all developmental phases. However, I am hopeful you can find some nuggets of wisdom to help you enjoy the adventures and experiences with your own kiddos by following some of these tips and tricks.

Travel is a time to break some rules and be flexible, but realize kids benefit greatly from some consistency and structure (especially with food and sleep) while traveling. Travel is also a time to see the world while teaching some valuable life skills and making memories that last a lifetime.

After two decades of traveling as a family I now have kids who navigate international travel better than I do! Wishing you the best in your adventures!